The Pleasures of Friendship

Why You Can't Be Happy Alone

The Greek philosopher Epicurus wrote:

“Of the things which wisdom provides for the blessedness of one’s whole life, by far the greatest is the possession of friendship”

(Epicurus, Principal Doctrines, XXVII)

The central tenet of the Epicurean school of philosophy was that happiness is to be found in a pleasant and stress free life, and that the secret to living such a life is friendship.

Epicurus and his followers spent a lot of time developing complex philosophical arguments to justify this belief. While it may seem obvious that friendship is essential to a happy life, and that a pleasant life is a happy life, the Epicurean school was subject to centuries of philosophical attacks for defending this position. In response, the Epicureans offered two main reasons for believing that friendship is essential to living a pleasant life.

The Epicureans argued that friendship is the greatest source of pleasure in life. They argued that many of the most enjoyable experiences and memories in our lives would not be possible without friends. If this wasn’t enough, they added that even when we are not able to be physically present with friends, our minds are filled with pleasure when we reflect on the good memories we shared with them, and the future experiences we look forward to.

One could argue that it is possible to live a pleasant life by yourself, reflecting on your own memories, achievments, and experiences. The Epicureans did not deny that many great pleasures in life can be experienced alone. They thought it was important to point out, however, that a life without true friends would expose us to significant fear and anxiety. A solitary life would make many of life’s difficulties much more difficult to bear. If you get sick, who will check on you? If you are lost, who will come find you?

Genuine friendships allow us to enjoy the pleasures of life without worrying about whether we will have to face future pains by ourselves.

Epicurus practiced what he preached. In 307 BCE, he purchased a large house with a garden outside of the main gate of ancient Athens. Epicurus invited interested students to come and live with him, practicing a simple life dedicated to the communal study and discussion of philosophy. While experiencing a physically painful death from a kidney infection, Epicurus is reported to have said that it was the most pleasant day of his life, because he was surrounded by friends and filled with pleasant memories of all the experiences they shared together.